Funny things they don’t tell you about tonsillectomies (the little added bonuses):

  • your tongue will be numb for days, swell to the size of your face, and scallop like crazy - you will resemble Scooby-Doo while you are asleep
  • you will dribble in your sleep errday and wake up resting your head in your own saliva lolololol
  • you will offend all living things with your breath which tastes like a combination of money and the sensation of licking a fish
  • you will not be able to shower for at least five days but it’s okay you just smell like drugs
  • you will only be able to taste things on the front of your tongue because that ho is still numb
  • anti-nausea meds have silly names like odansetron, and only work if they are chemo-strength
  • you can’t talk whatsoever!