I am typing this largely with my left hand. More on that later. Props if you read the whole thing.
- burgers have not been flipped at McDonald’s for decades
- instead they either fester in vats or turn flaccid in 90-second beef cookers
It was my job to attend to fries. Fries-people have four main jobs:
- maintain correct levels of frozen fries in dispenser machine
- place baskets of fries into oil that smells remarkably similar to squished cockroaches, gas leaks and what one craves during a hangover
- attend to cooking baskets that need shaking every so often
- dispense fries from finished baskets into loading area, salt fries, throw fries up against wall with scoop to mix salt - making sure not to mix old fries with new - and scoop fries into small, medium and large bags/boxes (actually a far more difficult task than it sounds)
As it was a dinner shift on a Friday night, there would be lulls and then all of a sudden a gigantic family (in every sense of the word) would blitz through the drive-thru and demand about seven or eight small fries (usually due to Happy Meals).
- no shoes will save you from ice-skating across the floor of the kitchen on a regular basis
During the lulls I would make sure I had three small, three medium and three large fries sitting in the rack.
- the small fries like to fall through the front of the rack and spill everywhere
- this is always worse when someone grabs fries from the end of the rack and knocks over at least one of your finished products
Portion sizes are a nightmare. I had one supervisor tell me I needed more, and the next minute I’d have a manager mention the incredible losses we’d made due to overfilling of fries containers.
- every now and again when someone actually ordered at the front counter, the entire kitchen would start yelling at each other in code
- this is the cue to make the freshest food you possibly can
- if you don’t then the 1-in-bajillion-chance-it’s-the-secret-customer-here-to-criticise-your-very-existence will throw a shitty and everyone will cry or something
- so kids, drive-thru is a load of bullshit if you want the freshest of the fresh
- you will be covered in salt and oil
- you will never have to shine your shoes again
- they are now forever coated in sweet, sweet ancient greasy goodness
- did I mention the salt
- salt everywhere
- but fortunately not in your pants
tl;dr: highly stressful environment with occasional laughter and happiness, plus added bonus of mysterious injury affecting entire right arm, hand and all digits of right hand
- oh, and you’ll never look at fries the same way again
- you’ll look at them like you look at an abusive solvent-sniffing nagging woman who has just attempted to punch you in the face
- however, you will be forever indebted to the blood, salt and tears that went into your teeny-weeny greaseball bag of nuked potato sticks